


The Past Isn't Where You Left It

by ShadeOfAzmeinya



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst, Established Relationship, Fake AH Crew, Hurt/Comfort, Mavinseg - Freeform, Multi, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:19:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8045578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeOfAzmeinya/pseuds/ShadeOfAzmeinya
Summary: Their pasts are in the past and affect none of their feelings for each other. None of them really care about it or care to know it. It doesn’t matter who they once were but who they are now. After all, that’s the person they fell in love with.Sometimes though, the past shows up in the present. Sometimes it shows up with guns and bombs and vengeance. Sometimes it comes for someone.This one came for Michael.





	The Past Isn't Where You Left It

**Author's Note:**

> Longest fic yet! Major thanks to my lovely beta, [my Miles](ghostrhi.tumblr.com). This is my first attempt at writing this cute ship so I hope it turned out well!

They never really talk of their pasts. They never ask each other about their pasts, never bring them up. They don’t need to know each other’s full stories. They don’t need to know the darkness they’ve dug themselves out of, the bodies left in their wakes. It’s a subject just always left alone.

They know a few things though of course. Small things that has come up in their times together. They know how Geoff found Gavin off the streets, a hand half in Geoff’s back pocket and a stomach aching from the long time he hasn’t had food. They know how Lindsay seemed to have known how to shoot a gun since she was born, has seen more bloodshed from younger than the others. They know Meg and Ryan go far back, even if none of them know how the two even met in the first place. And Michael… well they know Michael’s from Jersey. They know he left Jersey, arriving to Los Santos with only his car, some clothes, and a hundred dollars.

But their pasts are in the past and affect none of their feelings for each other. None of them really care about it or care to know it. It doesn’t matter who they once were but who they are now. After all, that’s the person they fell in love with.

Sometimes though, the past shows up in the present. Sometimes it shows up with guns and bombs and vengeance. Sometimes it comes for someone.

This one came for Michael.

At first it was just a rumor. Some crew from Jersey was floating around in Los Santos. No one knew why they were here and what they were planning. No one even knew of their numbers just that they were there. But either way, they could be a threat. Geoff picked up on the rumors and told the crew.

“We don’t know yet if they’re a threat, they could just be doing business then leaving,” Jack says, crossing her arms.

The gents are gathered in the kitchen as the lads and girls were playing video games. Well the lovers at least were playing; Jeremy was just kind of there sitting there watching and laughing every time one of them fucked up.

“I don’t think we should risk it anyway,” Ryan says, the voice of caution. “But they could also could be making alliances and trying to take us out.” Not so much the voice of reason.

“But they’re here all the way from New Jersey,” Jack points out. “Why come all this way to cause trouble? What good would it be to take any of us out?”

“The reason that they travelled across the country is why I don’t like that they’re here,” Geoff says, eyebrows furrowed, in a way the others know he’s worrying for them and with a concentration that they know he won’t stop until the threat is gone.

“Geoff, what crew is this?” Jeremy calls out, he’d lost interest in the game -it was mostly Gavin dying- and his attention drifted to the discussion unfolding. Jeremy’s question causes all the others to look over too.

“Some crew from Jersey,” Geoff says. 

The others fail to see how Michael stiffens, gripping the controller a little harder. He hadn’t been paying attention to their talk, but suddenly he wishes he had. A crew from Jersey…

“What’s the name? I can try to look them up,” Gavin says, pausing the game.

“I could ask all my contacts about them too, see if they’ve noticed anything,” Meg adds.

“I don’t remember the name exactly… Jack what was it? Something like anger or rampages?”

“Rages…” Michael breaths out, just barely heard by the others. He doesn’t look away from the TV, eyes wide and unfocused. _Please don’t be them_ , he thinks, like a holy mantra, as if he repeats it enough it’ll be true. _Let it not be_ -

“That’s it!” Geoff exclaims, completely unaware of Michael’s sinking heart. “Wait, how do you know?”

“You said they were from Jersey didn’t you? I remembered the name from back when I lived there,” Michael tries to brush off and stiffly reclines trying to make it look natural, still not looking away from TV. He ignores the curious looks from Meg and Gavin, and the furrowing of Lindsay’s brow. 

“Well do you think you know why they’re here?” Ryan asks.

“I don’t have any fucking clue. What do you think I regularly have skype calls with the assholes?” Michael says, ignoring the anxiety building in his stomach.

“I was just asking,” Ryan mumbles. Lindsay continues to give Michael an odd look and Michael continues to ignore it.

“Well what do you know about this crew?” Jack says, approaching to where Michael was sitting. 

“Dude I don’t remember much, Jersey was years ago,” Michael continues to try to brush it off, his ‘look natural’ plan backfiring slightly.

“I’m just trying to see if you think they’re a danger to us or not,” Jack says. “Is there anything you remember? Anything so we can know what we could be up against?”

“I don’t fucking know anything!” Michael snaps, whipping and snarling at Jack. She’s taken aback at his loud voice and harsh tone, Michael pants heavily. _Oh shit..._

The entire house seems to freeze, the air halting in tension around them. Michael can feel their eyes all on him, all staring at him, knowing he’s lying, knowing he’s defensive about something. And Michael can’t stand it, can’t stand being around them. He throws his controller down and leaves the room with some mumbling of being tired.

Michael storms into one of spare rooms, slamming the door behind him. He flops into the bed, burying his face in the pillow. What a great fucking way to ruin his good day. Here he was enjoying the day playing Mario Party with his datemates and hanging out with the rest of the crew and now some fucking assholes from Jersey he thought were going to stay in Jersey decide to come all the way out here.

The pit of anxiety and fear turns in Michael’s gut as he thinks about why the Rages are all the way out here. They had to have come all the way here for him. Here he thought he had gotten away from them.

Only a few moments have passed before there’s a knock at the door. Michael doesn’t respond to it, hoping whoever it is would leave him alone. Of course the person doesn’t obey Michael’s silent wish.

“Michael,” Lindsay says as she enters the room. She makes her way across the room and sits down on the bed next to Michael. “Tell me what’s going on right now. Who are these guys?” she says, her voice firm but soft.

“I told Jack I don’t-“ Michael starts but Lindsay holds up her hand.

“Michael that’s a load of bullshit and we both know it. So talk to me. Who are these people?”

Michael sighs. “It’s been years since I’ve been in Jersey Linds, I don’t know anything of this crew that could help. It’s probably a completely different crew now.”

“I’m not asking as a crew member, I’m asking as your wife,” Lindsay wraps an arm around Michael, pulling him against her. “You don’t have to tell me everything. But I’m here if you’re willing to tell.” 

“The crew is just old enemies from Jersey, ok? That’s really all there is to it,” Michael says, leaning against her.

“The kind of enemies that would come all the way across the country to take you out?” 

Michael gives a huff of a laugh, “I’d like to see those assholes try.” 

Lindsay’s face breaks into a big smile. “They’ll have to fight through all of us first. And we know none of them could take me.” 

“Or Meg,” Michael adds, laughing.

“True, she can throw a mean punch, too,” Lindsay presses a kiss on Michael’s forehead. “Let’s go back to the others I’m sure they’re worried.”

Michael sighs but sits up. “Yeah, ok.” There's no way Lindsay would take ‘no’ for an answer with that look in her eyes. 

Lindsay smiles and pulls him in for a quick kiss, then grabs his hands and they walk out of the room to join their other two lovers.

 

* * *

 

In the end, the Rages who found him first. While the Fakes were keeping a close eye on them, until they made any moves against the crew, they had their own stuff they were busy with. A new heist wasn’t going to plan and prepare itself after all.

It was a few weeks after the rumors of the Rages being in town had surfaced. Michael was walking home from the store, a bag of paper towels in hand after their last roll was used back at their apartment. Since none of his lovers wanted to go with him to the 24-hour store at midnight to buy the paper towels, Michael was alone.

Though not really because the second he left the house, Gavin called him and they all talked the entire time Michael was out.

“Michael you should’ve bought a cake,” Gavin whines through the phone.

Michael rolls his eyes. “I should not have bought a cake, it’s fucking midnight, it is not the time to be eating cake.”

“Midnight is the perfect time for cake, Micool,” Gavin continues to whine.

“Michael’s right, if you had cake right now, you’ll have an upset stomach in the morning. And then you’ll really be miserable,” Meg’s voice comes through the phone. 

“But guys-“

Michael doesn’t hear the rest of Gavin’s response when suddenly his arm is being grabbed and he’s dragged into an alley. Before he has time to react, he’s pushed against the wall and a gun is put to his head. And before his defenses kick in to beat the shit out of this stranger, the stranger speaks.

“I’m here to give you a message from Devin.”

Michael’s blood runs cold at the mention of the name. Memories flash of New Jersey, of a smirk and blood and bruises, of dead eyes staring back into his-

“He’s the new leader of the Rages, by the way. The old one died not too long ago. Not that you would’ve known that. You’ve been away for a while.” 

Michael’s fists clench, knuckles turning white and aching to sock him in he face. But the stranger presses the gun further against his head. The safety of the gun clicks off.

“I’m only here to pass on an offer. You know us. You know exactly what we’re capable of. We’ve been watching. We know about your crew, your “family” or whatever Disney shit you want to call it. We’ve noticed your… _closeness_ ” This asshole’s disgust so clear in his tone makes Michael want to smash the shit out of him, “to the Golden Boy, Ruby Rose, and Dollface. All it would take is a word from Devin and they’re all dead. And we’ll come after you last, so you’ll get to see every one of their deaths.”

Michael snarls and throws up his fist, only for the other to grab his wrist before he could get a punch in.

“But,” the stranger continues, “Devin will ignore all of that if you come back with us. Be part of our crew again.”

The stranger takes a half step back, some stupid smirk on his face. As if they’re going to enjoy Michael’s turmoil to accept the deal. As if they has the upper hand. But Michael doesn’t even take a second to consider the deal.

“Fuck you,” Michael spits out before punching them right across the face.

Michael continues punching them, kicking the gun out of the others hands when they’re down. Michael doesn’t stop beating the person until there are hands on his shoulders pulling him back and a British accent telling him to stop. 

“Michael, he’s dead. Stop it. Stop fighting,” Gavin says as he pulls Michael away from the body and the pool of blood forming around it. Michael looks up to see Meg is also there, a worried expression on her face.

“I’m fine,” Michael breaths out, still catching his breath. He shrugs out of Gavin’s hold. “It’s fine.”

“Are you hurt?” Meg says as she steps over towards Michael and places a hand against his cheek.

“Fucker didn’t have a chance to fight back, I’m ok,” Michael says, taking Meg’s hand and pulling it away from his face. “What… what are you guys doing here?”

“We heard everything,” Gavin says, picking up Michael’s phone and the paper towels that were dropped at some point in the fight.

Michael’s face falls, heart dropping to his stomach. “You heard…” 

Meg nods. “Let’s get you back. Lindsay is back at the house telling Geoff that the Rages attacked you.”

“Should warn you too, she’s bloody pissed.”

 

* * *

 

True to Gavin’s word, the second Michael and the others walk into the house, Lindsay is right in his face.

“Michael _Fucking_ Jones,” she starts and Michael shrinks back. “Why the _fuck_ did you not tell me the truth?” 

“I told you-“

“You did not tell me that this was a crew you were once a part of! You’ve always said you were never involved in any crews until the Fakes. You _lied_ to me! You lied to _all_ of us!”

“It really wasn’t that important! You don’t go asking Gavin or Meg about their pasts,” Michael snaps back. Meg and Gavin have shifted away, both not wanting to get in the way of Lindsay’s or Michael’s rage.

“Well it’s important when your past shows up at our doorstep with a gun to your head and threatening everyone I love’s life. Why the fuck did you not tell me when you heard that they were here!” 

“Because I didn’t want to tell you!”

“Well why the fuck not! You think I couldn’t handle it? You think we couldn’t handle it? Well now’s the time to start fucking spilling.” 

“There’s nothing to spill! Nothing happened!”

“Do _not_ keep lying to me!” Lindsay screams, causing Gavin and Meg to flinch. Lindsay glares at Michael with voracity most only saw right before their own deaths.

“Fine you want to know the truth!” Michael roars. “You really want to fucking know! Yeah I was once part of that crew! I was stupid and desperate for money so I worked for them! But I was fucking weak! I was pathetic! They walked all over me like a goddamn doormat and I did _nothing_! They killed my own brother and I just fucking stood there! I didn’t even face them when I left, just threw everything in a car and drove away like a fucking coward!” Michael was visibly shaking, his voice raw and his face red as he just barely held back tears. “That’s your fucking truth! And now they’re back, they traced me all this way across the fucking country just to threaten to kill you guys too and-“ Michael’s voice catches in his throat as tears begin to fall.

The room was heavy with Michael’s confession. The air seemed suffocating as Michael stood there, fists so tight his nails were cutting into his palms. His whole frame was shaking as he stood, voice caught to keep himself from completely breaking down, from just being even more weak.

The others stare at him, stunned in silence from the truth, from his past. Michael tears his gaze away from them, focusing on the floor. Now they all know how fucking pathetic he was. He can’t stand to watch the realization cross their faces as they change their opinion of him, as they know him to be the liar, the _fraud_ that he is.

It’s Gavin who breaks the tension first, carefully moving up to Michael. He reaches out for Michael and Michael flinches at the shakiness of his tone. “Michael, you aren’t a coward.”

“What?” Michael breaths out, floored from his statement. Did he not just hear what he said? “Of course I am, I hid from them. I _lied_ to all of you. I let them-“

“The past doesn’t matter,” Meg soothes, wrapping her hand around his. Michael stiffens for a moment before relaxing into her arms. “You were allowed to keep your secrets and we’re sorry to have brought them out now.”

“I didn’t mean to get so mad Michael,” Lindsay says, her anger deflated and a look of guilt in its place. “I just, I got so scared. I didn’t know what was happening and I don’t want you or anyone else getting hurt.”

Lindsay hesitates away from them until Gavin reaches out and pulls her in, enveloping them all in a hug. “Michael, boi, you are so strong. You’re one of the strongest people I know." 

“And running away doesn’t make you a coward,” Meg adds, wrapping her arms around Michael’s waist and planting a kiss on his chin. “You had to do what you needed to in order to survive. And I’m glad you did. Because if you hadn’t we never would’ve met you.”

“We never would’ve been bois Michael,” Gavin mock whines, giving an exaggerated pout.

Michael gives a small laugh, leaning into all of them. “I’m glad I met all of you too,” Michael says softly, just barely keeping his voice in control. “I love you guys.”

The group is a murmurings of “I love you too” as they all just take a moment to hold each other and be in each other’s company.

Then Lindsay breaks the moment by saying, “This is great guys, but we don’t know how well this crew tracked us, we should probably get going to a safe house.”

 

* * *

 

This time the Fakes find the Rages.

A week of nearly nonstop work and nonstop paranoia passes before they were able to track them down. Well, a week of work for nearly everyone but Michael. Michael was forced to stay at home while Meg ran around going through every contact, going through every lead about anything with the Rages. While Lindsay worked with Geoff on checking on other crews allied with them, warning them to give them any word on activity of the Rages in the area. While Gavin went to his usual bad habit of staying up for days on end on his computer, desperately searching for this crew. A habit that resulted in Geoff shoving Gavin into a bedroom where Michael was and telling Michael to “take care of your child of a boyfriend.”

Michael was texting Meg and Lindsay at the time, resting in bed, trying to quell his antsy hands that really want to punch something and stop being stuck in the base. He wants nothing more than to be out there with the others, but the others thought it was too much of a risk with the other crew trying to kill him.

Gavin huffs after being thrown in the room, knocking on the door and yelling at Geoff to let him out. Michael rolls his eyes and grabs Gavin’s arms, leading him to the bed. 

“Gav, you need to sleep. You can go back when you aren’t looking like complete shit again,” Michael says as he sits down on the bed.

“But Michael,” Gavin whines, flopping down on the bed. “I was so close to finding them. I need to go back.”

“Nope,” Michael says, laying next to Gavin and wrapping his arms around the other to pin him in the bed. “Get some fucking sleep. That’s more important right now.”

Gavin groans but shifts closer to Michael, laying his head on the others chest. Michael runs his hands through Gavin’s hair, feeling the other relax in his arms. Michael’s glad Geoff dragged him in here; Gavin really does look like shit. The dark rings look like bruises under his eyes and his hair flat and dulled from its normal wild look. _All because of me_. Michael continues petting the others head, leaning and planting a quick kiss on top of his head. Gavin forms a sliver of a smile and Michael can’t help but mirror it.

The two lay together for a while and Michael thinks Gavin fell asleep before Gavin whispers, “Would you have taken that deal, Michael?”

Michael glances down at Gavin. “What?”

“Back when that pleb cornered you in the alley. He asked if you’d leave so they wouldn’t go after us. You didn’t say no. So. Would you have taken it?" 

“Fuck no,” Michael says. “I don’t trust those guys. Any ‘deal’ from them is a fucking lie.”

“But would you?” Gavin says, lifting his head up and looking at Michael.

“Would I what? Go across the country and leave you guys? For some shitty threat that they would kill you? Which, by the way, I fucking doubt they could do, the girls are pretty fucking deadly.”

“Oi! I’m deadly too!”

Michael laughs, shaking his head. “Gavin, you tripped over nothing the other day and nearly broke your giant nose. And nearly blow yourself up more times than I can count. You’re more deadly to yourself than anything else.”

“But Micool,” Gavin pouts and Michael laughs some more.

“I know you can be deadly too, I’ve seen it,” Michael says, kissing Gavin’s forehead.

Gavin smiles and relaxes against Michael again. There’s a few seconds of silence as the two just enjoy their closeness, being in each other’s arms, each other’s safety.

“I’m glad you wouldn’t have taken the deal,” Gavin says quietly. “I would have missed you too much.”

Michael smiles and shakes his head. “I would’ve missed you too boi." 

“Love you,” Gavin mumbles, slipping into sleep finally.

“Love you, too.”

The next day Gavin finds the base and everyone is thrown into action.

The plan they form after finding the base to take the Rages out was a fairly simple one: storm the base during the night, kill every person on sight, and make sure the leader Devin gets a bullet in the brain.

Michael stood behind his cover a few feet away from their base. It was an old theater, run down and no longer used but old posters of plays that used to be showcased there still sketching the side of the building. The lights from the only street lamp on the street flickers in and out, plunging the world into brief moments of darkness. Michael stood in the alley across the way, fiddling with his grenade launcher, itching for the plan to start. Ryan kept giving him a side eye next to him, readying his rocket launcher. The two waited in silence for the planned attack to start.

Ryan and Michael are set on the task of blowing up the front and causing chaos in the front of the theater. While being the distraction, the others are to sneak in the back and take out as many as Ryan and Michael can’t get to. Jack and Geoff stood nearby as getaway, waiting in unmarked vans to hightail it away from the destruction.

“You ready boi?” Gavin’s voice comes through the coms, hushed as he was hiding behind the building with the girls and Jeremy.

“Been ready since these fuckers have moved in here,” Michael mutters angrily.

“You dicks all set in place?” Geoff’s voice cuts through. There are quick, affirmative responses from everyone. “Ok, good. Michael. Ryan. Blow this shit up.” 

A smile stretches across Michael’s face as he fires his grenade launcher right for the boarded up doors, blowing a giant hole open in it and setting the chaos loose.

The plan runs smoothly for exactly five minutes before it happens.

Michael and Ryan inch their way inside the front, firing at every single person they see, throwing rockets and grenades at the destruction piling at their feet. The others make their way inside, slitting throats and breaking necks as they check every room of the place.

Then Gavin’s screamed echoes through the coms and Michael’s heart freezes.

“Gavin?” Michael screams over the guns and explosions into his coms. “Where is he?” He ducks behind the cover of a pillar as shots ring out around him.

“I don’t know!” Lindsay’s voice comes through.

“You don’t know?!” Michael cried.

“He got separated, we’re looking for him now.”

Michael grits his teeth and throws another grenade over his shoulder. He braces for the explosion and then whips around the corner of the pillar to fire. But there were no more guys left to fire at.

“How the fuck did you guys lose him?” Michael yells at the others. He runs farther into the theater, walking out to see the stage, a torn broken thing with lights that once illuminated actors hanging from the ceiling, shattered and useless. Michael walks amongst the rows of seats. Ryan moved to the back of the theater, checking more rooms in there, leaving Michael alone to check this one.

“I don’t know!” Meg’s voice is strained; something scared just barely under control. “He was right behind us!”

“Ay! Michael!” a voice comes from the stage, “I think I found something of yours!”

The voice Michael recognized even after all these years. A voice distinctly from Jersey and distinctly like an old crew he left. He looks up to see Devin, smirking right at Michael. And Devin’s arm around Gavin’s neck, pressing a gun against his boi’s temple. Michael throws his gun up, aiming it at Devin, but Devin just laughs.

“You try that and your boyfriend here is going to get another bullet in him,” Devin grins, sinister and confident. Devin is covered in dust and embers, dirt and blood mixing on his face, making his grin more exaggerated and terrifying.

Gavin is trying to get out of Devin’s hold, but is too sluggish, too weakened. Michael notices blood flowing from a cut on his head and the dark spot of even more blood growing from his side.

“I didn’t like you killing the guy I sent to offer you my deal,” Devin says, pulling tighter against Gavin’s neck. 

Gavin gives a small whimper of pain and Michael can’t move. He’s frozen in his spot, he can’t make his arms work, he can’t do _anything_. His heart drops out of his chest and he can’t breathe- 

“So this time _I’m_ going to offer the deal,” Devin grins, something wild in it. “You should come back Michael. We’ve missed you around the crew. There are no explosives experts in our crew. And we could always have our crew ass again.” Devin gives a horrible laugh, sharp and nasty.

Michael snarls but doesn’t answer as Devin moves forward, dragging Gavin with him. Gavin lets out another whimper and Michael’s arms shake as he aims his gun at Devin but still not shooting him, _why isn’t he shooting him_ -

“This seems pretty fucking familiar doesn’t it?” Devin gives another cruel laugh. “Except last time it was your brother. Boy, Luca was mad at you that day. Don’t remember what you did to piss off the leader so much, but it doesn’t matter in the end.” Michael hisses in anger but he still can’t move, can’t fucking save Gavin, why can’t he bring himself to take the shot, _why can’t he move_ \- “But this one doesn’t have to end like that, Michael. Your-“ His lips curl into a sarcastic smile, “’golden boy’ doesn’t have to end six feet under. Just drop the gun and we can go back home and forget any of this ever hap-“

A gunshot blasted in the room.

Devin falls limp as a hole forms in his forehead. His body hesitates a moment, staying upward until gravity takes hold and he falls. Topples over the edge of the stage and into the pit below, a horrible crash echoing through the building. Lindsay stands behind where Devin once stood, gun raised, and a fierce, hard expression on her face.

Michael finally breaks from his trance, breaks past the fear that held him, and runs towards Gavin, Gavin now splayed across the ground after being released from Devin’s grip. Meg is there first, hands bloody as she puts pressure on Gavin’s wound and voice soft with reassurances that everything was going to be alright. Michael falls next to Gavin’s head, gun abandoned, and fingers running through Gavin’s hair. He looks so pale and this is all Michael’s fault. Gavin got hurt because of him, could die because of him, this is all his fault- 

Gavin reaches towards Michael, gripping the front of his shirt, and eyes still so soft. As if already forgiving Michael, already telling him not to blame himself. But then Gavin closes them and he passes out. Michael screams out his name and then the world becomes hazy. 

Everything becomes a blur. Michael knows at some point they were able to move Gavin to Jack’s car. Somehow Jack got Gavin to Caleb with Michael, Lindsay, and Meg right behind. Somehow Lindsay and Meg were able to get Michael to change clothes and wash some of the dirt and dust off of him. Wash some of Gavin’s blood on his hands off of him. Though he still feels like it’s still there. Still sees it every time he looks at his hands.

Everything still feels blurred even now, as Michael sits, the only one awake next to the makeshift hospital bed Gavin lays in. Caleb assured them he was stable, that he would be fine. But Gavin still looked so wrong in the bed, wrapped up and drugged up with pain meds.

Lindsay is sleeping in a chair across from Michael, her head on Gavin’s bed and Michael’s jacket wrapped around her frame. Meg had been there earlier, stepping out only to wash herself up and check in with Geoff.

Michael grips Gavin’s hand, running his thumb across it. This wasn’t Gavin’s worst injury and it certainly wasn’t going to be his last. But, fuck if this wasn’t the one that most terrified Michael.

Michael sighs and leans back into his chair. He can’t believe he just froze like that. He was perfectly capable of shooting Devin when he was back there. He’s made harder shots under more stressful situations. But he didn’t. Didn’t even try. He let his fucking fear take over like a coward.

Because for a moment there, it wasn’t Gavin who Devin was holding. For a moment it was someone else, though Devin’s cruel laugh and sharp tongue still the same. For a moment Michael remembered being younger, being back in a place that was once his home. For a moment there Michael was back in a memory. Arms held him back as Devin told Michael he hadn’t done enough. Michael disobeyed because his bomb didn’t explode enough, didn’t kill as much as it was supposed to. Michael was warned and this was his punishment. Michael screamed that time; his mouth wasn’t frozen with his feet. Michael fought then. He punched and roared and tore at their flesh. But Devin still gave his crooked smile, something Michael never wanted to see again, and Devin didn’t hesitate before taking the shot.

“Luca’s orders”, Devin had said when he kicked Michael’s brother’s body, still warm even though life left his eyes with that gunshot to the head. “I’m just doing his orders.” Devin smiled too much for it to have just been fulfilling orders. Devin enjoyed it. Enjoyed taking those close to Michael away from him.

And Michael almost let him do it again. 

Michael wipes his face, new tears prickling his eyes. 

“Michael?” a soft voice calls as it enters the room. “What are you still doing up?” Meg sits down next to him, wrapping her hand into his open one.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Michael grumbles.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Meg says, shifting closer to him. 

Michael gives a shaky breath, pulling his hand away from Meg’s. His eyes don’t look away from Gavin’s sleeping form; he hasn’t looked away all this time. “This is my fault.”

“Michael, it’s not-“

“I froze out there, Meg. I had my gun fucking aimed right at the dick who did this to Gavin. I could’ve shot him at any point, I could’ve gotten Gavin to safety sooner, but I didn’t. I fucking froze, like a fucking coward. A pathetic, weak-“

“You were scared,” Meg interjects, grabbing his shoulder. “Michael it’s ok-“

“No it’s not!” Michael snaps at her. He hears Lindsay shift after his yelling and stops himself from screaming more. He looks down at the ground, hands running through his hair. “Its not fine, I never just _freeze_ like that.”

“Did I ever tell you about how Ryan and I become friends?”

Michael looks up over to her, confused. “No?”

“Well, I was out on a job. Hired hit, pretty simple. Ryan and I had already run into each other before then. A few too many times of us accidentally getting the same person to kill and we’ve reached the point where we recognize each other,” Meg gives a short laugh and Michael can’t help but give a small, fond smile. “But this one job I was doing, I tracked the person into some alley. Gave a quick shot to the back of the head and was starting to make my way out and some person jumps me. I guess the target had a friend with them, because next thing I know there’s this big, strong lady trying kill me. And she nearly did. She had her hands wrapped around my throat and I couldn’t fight her. I couldn’t get out of her grip.”

Meg shutters at the memory and Michael immediately reaches out for her hand. Meg gives a small in return and continues. “I should’ve been able to take her. I know how to get out of a choke hold. But the attack was so sudden and so unexpected. And I was alone and I suddenly got so scared. I froze too. Thankfully Ryan comes out of fucking nowhere and rips the lady off of me. He saved my life that day. We’ve been friends ever since.”

“Ryan the savior guy,” Michael mumbles and Meg gives a soft laugh.

“Well that day he was. I got even though, I think I’ve saved him more times than he did me. But that’s not the reason I’m telling you this. It’s ok that you got scared Michael, it’s ok to be scared. Especially when it’s some demon from your past. I don’t know everything he did to you and you don’t have to tell me anything just yet. But being scared of him, being scared when he threatened Gavin doesn’t make you weak.”

“But he could’ve-" 

“He _didn’t_ Michael. He didn’t kill Gavin. And you know why? Because Lindsay shot him in the back of the head like the badass she is. We got your back Michael. We’re here for you when you get scared and we’re here for you when you’re feeling weak. But one moment of weakness doesn’t mean you’re a weak person. You’re still really fucking strong.”

“Don’t feel fucking strong,” Michael sighs.

“That’s ok. You’ll feel your usual strong, asshole-ish self eventually. But until then, you still have us,” Meg leans her head against Michael’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her. 

The two sit in silence, watching their other two lovers sleep. The world felt a little bit lighter now to Michael. He goes through Meg’s story again in his mind, making a note to do something nice for Ryan for saving Meg all those years ago. The two sit there as the room lightens as the sun wakens the city. Life buzzes in the city outside these walls, but inside still. Like a breath after an explosion settles or the peace in the end of a fight. Michael wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I love you guys,” Michael says softly. 

Meg looks up and pulls Michael into a quick kiss. “We love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hesitate to come say hi on [my tumblr](shadeofazmeinya.tumblr.com)! I tend to fill various prompts on there from time to time.


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